I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
