dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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