He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
