Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
