The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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