I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
