Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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