so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
