He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
