If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize