im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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