I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
