now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
