dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
