wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
