ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
