I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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