she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
