my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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