You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
