we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
