whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
