I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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