remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
