Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
