Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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