Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
