Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dicks are not precious.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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