we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
