Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
