Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
