You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
