I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
