"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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