I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
