I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You are the jesus of drinking
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
