After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
