I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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