Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
