do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize