Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
