I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
