I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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