It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
