i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize