i was born a porn star she said
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
