dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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