well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You are the jesus of drinking
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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