If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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