Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
