meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
