How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
