just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize