just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
