I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
God, I missed his penis.
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