I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
