M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
