Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
