What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
