I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
