i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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