Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
