omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize