Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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