the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize