Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
