Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
