your parents love me but you hate me
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
did you just send me my own nude
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
