Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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